Spiral

Trying to push yourself back up after a knock down is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when this feels like a constant occurrence.

Sometimes it almost feels like every time I am doing better, something massive happens which takes any strength and progress I have made and burns it away.

Losing two of my closest family members in 18 months was a hard enough battle as it was, thrown onto that university stress, friendship stress, constant anxiety over work, and constantly being back and forth between uni and home, made everything feel so much harder than it was.

I couldn't deny, and still cannot deny, that I completely spiralled.

But it's okay. It's totally okay to feel like your going two steps back, because the progress you have made before that absolutely outweighs any downfall. Yes, I feel like I've gone backwards. But in reality, its two baby steps backwards for the many leaps forward.

I have a great support network behind me, who support me through all the shit I seem to (mostly drunkenly) throw on them, and my motivation to battle through all the tough times is stronger than ever before.

Through all of this, I got a 75 in an assignment, my highest grade since November 2016, I pulled off a bunch of awesome social events with my co-social sec, I raised £100 for charity by giving up chocolate for the entire month of March and I continued to get out of bed and make the most of the time I have left of second year.

I am so proud of myself for the small victories I have acomplished in the past few months, even with the loss of my nan causing my mental health to stumble. But I know I can and will carry on fighting, and I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And that is something I never thought I would ever believe.