Battles of all kind involve a mental challenge and even though I myself have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I know that this is strongly the case with ED's too.
But even though I do not have an ED, my relationship with food hasn't always been healthy.
Especially through my teenage years, I have struggled with my weight and have as a result struggled with my eating habits.
When I was younger, I used to comfort eat a worryingly large amount without seeing it as a real problem. But why would I? 11 year old me didn't see any issue with eating to make myself feel better because at the time I didn't know any better. I didn't know any better than locking myself in my room and eating to make myself feel okay.
My weight had always been an issue for me, and being an active person then and still now, my size has always been something I've been highly embarrassed of. Even though I hated my body, I would continue to binge eat and find myself into bars of chocolate, packets of crisps etc until I was feeling unwell from the amount of food I had been eating. Eating past the point of full, hidden away in my room.
I know that arguably, this itself wasn't an issue. So what I used to eat too much junk food? What kid at that age didn't?
It's only now looking back, when I start pairing it with how I was feeling at the time that I start to see it as an issue.
Especially during secondary school, I began to feel really down and low about my weight. I would eat and then feel absolutely guilty and absolutely hate myself but I couldn't control what I was eating because the thoughts and feelings I wanted to block out were getting worse and worse and made me feel like I needed to binge more and more.
The more I ate, the more I gained weight and the worse the comments would get. I was often made fun of because of my weight, and as I said, being a very active person who threw myself into sport, being seen as overweight was a thing that was highly mocked and laughed at, especially at that age. On many occasions, I was brought to tears because I couldn't handle the comments I was receiving. It all got worse and worse until I finally had enough of everything, which is when I fell quickly into a state of depression that even today I still find myself struggling to rise from.
This is when my eating habits became more unhealthy. When I would have days where I would eat either twice my usual amount or eat absolutely nothing at all. I would manage to avoid eating anything at school by taking in a packed lunch (which I wouldn't eat because I "ate a large breakfast" when really I ate nothing) and I would avoid eating at home by telling my parents I had already eaten because they trusted me enough to cook for myself at home. And the days where I would eat more than 'normal' I would eat a packed lunch and a cooked lunch at school, as well as eating 2 dinners at home and eating all the junk food i could get a hold of. This drastic shift with no in between made me constantly tired, moody and unwell to the point I was having days after days off school. And at this point, I was only 14.
Slowly but surely as I settled into my friendship group and the comments started to fade away, I managed to realise that my habits needed to change. Even though I was still battling with the lowness and the significant lack of self-confidence which still is there today, in a sense I was "lucky" in that I managed to be able to "fix" myself in time before it got any worse. I managed to somehow bring myself back together when I was heading towards a potentially life-threatening and changing eating disorder.
In the UK it is believed that over 725,000 people have an eating disorder of some kind.
Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, with around 20% of those with anorexia losing their life due to the fatal impact on their physical health or suicide.
I am not an expert in information about eating disorders and I will never claim to be. I cannot sit here and say I really know that much information about them, except what I have witnesses through friends and classmates who have struggled with an eating disorder.
The effects I have seen absolutely terrify me.
It scares me how that the impact an eating disorder has on your weight (which to my understanding is a big factor in diagnosis and admissions) comes greatly after the mental aspect of any ED.
It scares me that there are people not receiving help who are in need of it because they aren't deemed "sick enough"
Eating disorders aren't always a physical manifestation. In the same way that depression, OCD, anxiety etc are mental health issues, all forms of eating disorder stem from a mental health issue.
They are complex problems. They cause distorted thinking, extreme lack of confidence, depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness and can lead to extreme physical problems that can cause life threatening complications even after "recovery".
They are real, serious issues that need to be accepted, addressed and intervened before the point of serious ill physical health for those who have an eating disorder.
It is important for people to understand eating disorders, so people can be there to help a friend, family member, colleague or stranger recover from their problem before it is too late.
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