I want to thank you.
I want to thank you for being there for me when I couldn't be there for myself. I want to thank you for making me feel okay in times when I am far from it. I want to thank you for believing in me when I continually deny my worth to you and deny my worth as a human being.
I know it cannot be easy. I know that helping me must be draining, especially when you too are struggling with your own things. But you've stayed with me, and that means more to me than anything. You stayed through me crying my eyes out at 3am drunk, you've stayed with me as I scream and shout at you, you've stayed with me when I wanted to push you away. You stayed with me when I would look in the mirror and not recognise the person I was facing. You stayed with me at my worst and you stayed with me at my best.
I don't know if you realise how much you have helped me.
I don't know if you realise that asking me how I am on my darkest days makes me feel so loved, wanted and happy again. Or if you realise that talking to me on my worst days keeps me from doing things that I would later regret doing.
The way you would stay up for me to make sure I was safe. The way you would cover me when I wasn't myself and others noticed and the way you could sense when something had hurt me. The way you calmed my 3am panic attacks, my crying fits, my breakdowns. The way you acted as a shield to me when I was being attacked. The way you opened up to me and trusted me. The way you promised to keep my secrets secret and the way you supported any little thing I did. The way you acted to make sure I was okay made me feel so wanted in a world I feel lonely in and the way you acted made me strong enough to carry on fighting on days I wanted to give up.
I thank you for understanding that the person I act when I am at my worst is not the person I actually am. People have left me because they couldn't handle the person they believed me to be, but you stayed. You helped me fight and you kept me sane.
You took some of the pain away and took it for yourself, so that I could have an easier ride and for that I will always be thankful.
There are many times I thought, and will no doubt think in the future, that I can't do this anymore. That there is nothing more to life than darkness and that I will never see the light again. There are times that I lied to you, I took a joke too far, I screamed at you and hated you. There are times where I ignored you because my brain said you hated me and there are times I wished we weren't friends anymore because I couldn't stand your "clinging".
But you stayed, you fought, you held on. You held on to a sinking ship in hopes that you could fix it and raise it back up. When I was the worst friend in the world, you made sure you were continuing o be the best.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I treated you so badly when I needed you. I'm sorry that I cannot be myself all the time and I'm sorry I need to talk to you all the time when I'm feeling bad because you make all the negative feelings easier to cope with.
But at the same time, I thank you.
You stayed. You never gave up on me, even when I'm a lost cause.
And you continue to help me day in and day out, slowly turn back into the person I lost a long time ago.
You are the reason I am writing these words today, and I am eternally grateful.
I don't know if you realise that asking me how I am on my darkest days makes me feel so loved, wanted and happy again. Or if you realise that talking to me on my worst days keeps me from doing things that I would later regret doing.
The way you would stay up for me to make sure I was safe. The way you would cover me when I wasn't myself and others noticed and the way you could sense when something had hurt me. The way you calmed my 3am panic attacks, my crying fits, my breakdowns. The way you acted as a shield to me when I was being attacked. The way you opened up to me and trusted me. The way you promised to keep my secrets secret and the way you supported any little thing I did. The way you acted to make sure I was okay made me feel so wanted in a world I feel lonely in and the way you acted made me strong enough to carry on fighting on days I wanted to give up.
I thank you for understanding that the person I act when I am at my worst is not the person I actually am. People have left me because they couldn't handle the person they believed me to be, but you stayed. You helped me fight and you kept me sane.
You took some of the pain away and took it for yourself, so that I could have an easier ride and for that I will always be thankful.
There are many times I thought, and will no doubt think in the future, that I can't do this anymore. That there is nothing more to life than darkness and that I will never see the light again. There are times that I lied to you, I took a joke too far, I screamed at you and hated you. There are times where I ignored you because my brain said you hated me and there are times I wished we weren't friends anymore because I couldn't stand your "clinging".
But you stayed, you fought, you held on. You held on to a sinking ship in hopes that you could fix it and raise it back up. When I was the worst friend in the world, you made sure you were continuing o be the best.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I treated you so badly when I needed you. I'm sorry that I cannot be myself all the time and I'm sorry I need to talk to you all the time when I'm feeling bad because you make all the negative feelings easier to cope with.
But at the same time, I thank you.
You stayed. You never gave up on me, even when I'm a lost cause.
And you continue to help me day in and day out, slowly turn back into the person I lost a long time ago.
You are the reason I am writing these words today, and I am eternally grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment