With summer soon approaching, the sun is shining, the beers are out and everyone starts to count down til they board a plane and go on holiday. Pools, cheap food and bevs and a sun that doesn't make you want to cry, what isn't there to love about a holiday? It's a getaway, a chance to relax and forget about your life for how ever long you go for.
But with holiday season, comes a season I dislike. It comes the season of body shaming, lack of confidence and uncomfort.
With each passing year, I seem to see more of a "I need to be holiday ready" attitude spreading. A complete push for weight loss and healthy eating completely kick starts in this period, which don't get me wrong, isn't the problem here. Everyone wants to try look their healthiest before holidays, especially after stress of exams (for us students) or a hard years work for the people in full time work. The year always gives you weight gain that you really don't want.
My issue with the whole concept lies where body shaming begins.
There's a significant difference than working to lose a few pounds and shaming people for not being your idea of a perfect figure.
Even if you simply Google "summer body", it comes up with COUNTLESS tutorials on how to get a bikini, summer or beach body, many of which contain weight loss tips and tricks. One of them is even called "hot to get a hot body" which is just weight loss stuff. Which is fine (the title however, is not okay). If people want to lose weight, gain weight or remain the same weight, that is wonderful. A person should be able to do what they want in terms of their own body.
So heres the thing. All bodies are summer bodies. It's genuinely that simple.
It's time we stop shaming people for their size, and start appreciating people for more things than how they look.
It's time we stop comparing each other. It's time we spread the fact that everyone is unique, beautiful and can pull off any clothes they want. Because there is genuinely no reason why a person can't wear what they want and look fantastic doing it.
It's time we stop congratulating a friend for losing a few pounds, it's time we stop shaming if someones gained a few pounds.
For some reason, our culture is obsessed with the idea of perfection, without anyone actually knowing what perfect is. You can be any size,and you'll get shit from someone. Someones a clothing size or two smaller than you? Don't tell them they need to gain weight or skinny shame in any way. Someone's a size larger? Don't tell them they need to lose a few pounds. The only thing you should say about anyone elses body is positive, complimentary vibes. You don't know what people are going through, they might be a size you deem to be "perfect", but inside they hate their body and want nothing more than it to be like yours.
You want to wear a bikini? Put one on and look fantastic. You want to wear shorts over your swimsuit? Go for it, you look wonderful. You don't feel comfortable showing skin? You still look great in what you're wearing.
In a society that is so obsessed with shaming everyone else, the next generation will grow up believing that they are not perfect, regardless of how much they change their appearance. It's the exact same for men and women too. Don't laugh at one of your guy friends for "not having enough muscle", because at the end of the day, the only person who should care about how they look is the person themselves.
How to get a perfect body you ask?
Wear what you want with a smile, go on holiday and be yourself. Because nothing is more perfect than yourself. Put on that swimsuit, wetsuit, bikini. Put on those shorts and tshirts. Put on whatever you want with pride, because you look damn well amazing doing so.
Don't be the person who laughs at other people because they don't fit into your view of "beautiful." Nothing is better than giving a person a compliment and making them feel so much better and more confident about themselves. Self love is the most important type, and by reinforcing the fact that everyone should just rock themselves, it will eventually lead to a society much more positive and healthy, than the toxicity we are in now.
Monday, 5 June 2017
Monday, 29 May 2017
On Recovery
Taking the step towards recovery is one of the biggest steps you'll ever take. It takes alot to decide that you're going to do whatever it takes to get better. It takes alot to come clean and say you need help. And many people attribute this to needing to recover for a loved one.
Recovery should be for yourself.
Yes, people will benefit from you getting better. Your kids may live better lives, your mum may not spend her days worrying about you and your best friend will get to remember the friend you used to be.
But you need to recover for yourself.
Not for your family, not for your friends. Not for your partner and not for your colleagues. Not for the customer you served today and not for the people you pass in the street. Not for the author of the article that pushed you towards recovery or for your favourite singer or band. Not for the therapist who is aiding your recovery.
Recover for yourself. Recover for the 7 year old you who always dreamed of growing up a famous singer or dancer or footballer. Recover for the you who worked hard to get all the grades they needed to eventually get their dream degree or job. Recover for the you who smashed all the interviews they went to for work. Recover for the you in 10 years time, who will look back on this and be happy they survived.
Recover so you can wake up happy and are excited to start the day. Recover so you can do the basic things you could once do easily. Recover so you can sleep at night and actually want to wake up the next morning. Recover so you can take that step closer to loving yourself and loving life.
Recover so you can breathe again. Recover so you can see your future in a positive way, instead of quietly hoping that your future doesn't exist. Recover for your health and well being. Recover so you can help other people get better too.
Recover so you don't have to lie to yourself every morning when getting ready for the day. Recover so you can feel comfortable in your clothes and in your skin. Recover so you don't feel the need to cover up all the time to hide things and recover so you accept the person you are. Recover so you don't feel guilty every time you say you're okay, when inside you feel like crumbling.
It won't be easy.
You won't just wake up tomorrow a completely better person, whether this be in relation to eating disorders, anxiety, depression or addiction. You won't suddenly be a happier, healthier person. You don't have "transformed" overnight from one simple choice. The voices won't just stop. No recovery from any mental health problem will be easy.
You'll have to fight with yourself alot. You'll have to rely on others to help you through situations that a recovered you will soon be able to do yourself. You'll have bad days. You'll have them alot. You'll continuously have mood swings and really low moments. But this time you'll fight it off. You'll eat the apple, you'll get out of bed. You'll refrain from hurting yourself and you'll refrain from breaking down. You'll do it, be proud of yourself for staying strong. The next day, you'll have the same arguments with yourself, and you'll fight it off again.
You'll relapse. You'll think you're back to where you're started from, when reality you're further towards recovery than you ever were before.
But soon, it'll get easier. Bad days get far and few between. You'll find it easier to beat the bad days, you'll find it easier to block the negative you out.
We are comfortable with familiarity, so the idea of relapsing back into your old self is tempting, but once you become familiar with a happier, healthier you, then it'll be so much easier to be the person you want to be.
Continue to fight when it seems pointless and continue to fight when you don't feel like fighting anymore. Continue to battle when you feel like you've lost the war and when people are telling you it isn't worth it.
Recover.
There is nothing better than getting better. You need to get better.
Recover for yourself, open a new chapter and no matter how much you fall just keep getting back up again.
I promise you, it will all be worth it.
Recover so you don't have to lie to yourself every morning when getting ready for the day. Recover so you can feel comfortable in your clothes and in your skin. Recover so you don't feel the need to cover up all the time to hide things and recover so you accept the person you are. Recover so you don't feel guilty every time you say you're okay, when inside you feel like crumbling.
It won't be easy.
You won't just wake up tomorrow a completely better person, whether this be in relation to eating disorders, anxiety, depression or addiction. You won't suddenly be a happier, healthier person. You don't have "transformed" overnight from one simple choice. The voices won't just stop. No recovery from any mental health problem will be easy.
You'll have to fight with yourself alot. You'll have to rely on others to help you through situations that a recovered you will soon be able to do yourself. You'll have bad days. You'll have them alot. You'll continuously have mood swings and really low moments. But this time you'll fight it off. You'll eat the apple, you'll get out of bed. You'll refrain from hurting yourself and you'll refrain from breaking down. You'll do it, be proud of yourself for staying strong. The next day, you'll have the same arguments with yourself, and you'll fight it off again.
You'll relapse. You'll think you're back to where you're started from, when reality you're further towards recovery than you ever were before.
But soon, it'll get easier. Bad days get far and few between. You'll find it easier to beat the bad days, you'll find it easier to block the negative you out.
We are comfortable with familiarity, so the idea of relapsing back into your old self is tempting, but once you become familiar with a happier, healthier you, then it'll be so much easier to be the person you want to be.
Continue to fight when it seems pointless and continue to fight when you don't feel like fighting anymore. Continue to battle when you feel like you've lost the war and when people are telling you it isn't worth it.
Recover.
There is nothing better than getting better. You need to get better.
Recover for yourself, open a new chapter and no matter how much you fall just keep getting back up again.
I promise you, it will all be worth it.
Sunday, 14 May 2017
You, My Mental Health
You lock me up with shackles on my wrist, and when I think I've freed myself, you lock me back up again.
My mental health, you won't leave me alone. It's like you're a heavy weight strapped around me that I have to pull around everywhere I go.
When I look in the mirror I don't see me. I see an act, a mask I hide behind because the depression gives me a face I do not recognise or want to see.
You have told me I'm this broken person, a lesser human being who doesn't deserve the world. We have a toxic relationship I cannot free myself from, because you always find your way back.
You are every overused metaphor about the feeling of drowning, all combined together and living inside me.
You pick out the flaws inside and out, reminding me of every last detail I hate, forgetting all the qualities I have.
I'm like an old doll, once loved now thrown away, left there to rot day after day Like a balloon released into the sky, who would continue to do nothing until I'm way too high.
And you grab me tight and pull me around, it hurts from my head all the way to the ground, as you slowly shape me into something I will not recognise.
You plague my thoughts all the time, like what if me walking here is actually a crime? What if the words I said to my friend 3 years past, are still in her mind and forever will last?
I cannot go to a doctor or talk on the phone, my anxiety prevents me from doing anything alone. I cannot leave the house without a fear that I'm being judged and it brings me to tears.
You bring me tears when I try to sleep at night and I grip onto my hair and I pull it so tight, because it hurts less to do so than listen to your voice playing in my head. Every time it plays it brings me dread and I feel like I'm being stabbed with pieces of lead as my face loses colour and I forget words once said.
You bring me to tears as I neck down some booze, thinking I have nothing else to lose. As I drink another glass of wine and think back to a time where I was happy, smiling and free and a person I want to be.
You, my mental health, bring me misery. You are why I can't conquer the world, I fall at first chance. I feel like the world has just stopped and I'm stuck in a trance.
As I lie awake at night, anxiety at it's height, wondering when I will once again get a good nights sleep, before thinking of thoughts that are ever so deep.
Like what would it be like if I wasn't alive? Would everyone prosper, be happy and thrive?
Or would the sky remain grey with easy passing day? Would the stars still shine? Would you see light of day? Would your mind stay clear, even though I turned you away? I always wonder, would you be okay?
Would you be okay if I told you now, would you listen to me or would you raise a brow? If I told you I was unhappy, what would you do? Would you tell me you love me or want to start anew? Would you stay or would you leave? Would you hate me forever because you cannot believe.
Dear my mental health, I blame you for this. I cannot mend myself with one simple kiss.
Please release the chains, they're ruining my inside, please leave me alone I am too tired to hide. I'm too tired to fight your intruding thoughts, I'll instead sit here with the one you brought.
All the lies running round inside my head, as I lay up all night crying in bed.
What did I do to deserve a brain that hates me? A brain that wants to constantly battle and let evil thoughts run free?
You may seem stronger mental health, but be aware I can fight too, the only loser here will be you. One day I will win, this I know. I'm already getting better, and one day you will leave my mind. So hopefully soon I will find some happiness and love, of myself and of my life.
My mental health, you won't leave me alone. It's like you're a heavy weight strapped around me that I have to pull around everywhere I go.
When I look in the mirror I don't see me. I see an act, a mask I hide behind because the depression gives me a face I do not recognise or want to see.
You have told me I'm this broken person, a lesser human being who doesn't deserve the world. We have a toxic relationship I cannot free myself from, because you always find your way back.
You are every overused metaphor about the feeling of drowning, all combined together and living inside me.
You pick out the flaws inside and out, reminding me of every last detail I hate, forgetting all the qualities I have.
I'm like an old doll, once loved now thrown away, left there to rot day after day Like a balloon released into the sky, who would continue to do nothing until I'm way too high.
And you grab me tight and pull me around, it hurts from my head all the way to the ground, as you slowly shape me into something I will not recognise.
You plague my thoughts all the time, like what if me walking here is actually a crime? What if the words I said to my friend 3 years past, are still in her mind and forever will last?
I cannot go to a doctor or talk on the phone, my anxiety prevents me from doing anything alone. I cannot leave the house without a fear that I'm being judged and it brings me to tears.
You bring me tears when I try to sleep at night and I grip onto my hair and I pull it so tight, because it hurts less to do so than listen to your voice playing in my head. Every time it plays it brings me dread and I feel like I'm being stabbed with pieces of lead as my face loses colour and I forget words once said.
You bring me to tears as I neck down some booze, thinking I have nothing else to lose. As I drink another glass of wine and think back to a time where I was happy, smiling and free and a person I want to be.
You, my mental health, bring me misery. You are why I can't conquer the world, I fall at first chance. I feel like the world has just stopped and I'm stuck in a trance.
As I lie awake at night, anxiety at it's height, wondering when I will once again get a good nights sleep, before thinking of thoughts that are ever so deep.
Like what would it be like if I wasn't alive? Would everyone prosper, be happy and thrive?
Or would the sky remain grey with easy passing day? Would the stars still shine? Would you see light of day? Would your mind stay clear, even though I turned you away? I always wonder, would you be okay?
Would you be okay if I told you now, would you listen to me or would you raise a brow? If I told you I was unhappy, what would you do? Would you tell me you love me or want to start anew? Would you stay or would you leave? Would you hate me forever because you cannot believe.
Dear my mental health, I blame you for this. I cannot mend myself with one simple kiss.
Please release the chains, they're ruining my inside, please leave me alone I am too tired to hide. I'm too tired to fight your intruding thoughts, I'll instead sit here with the one you brought.
All the lies running round inside my head, as I lay up all night crying in bed.
What did I do to deserve a brain that hates me? A brain that wants to constantly battle and let evil thoughts run free?
You may seem stronger mental health, but be aware I can fight too, the only loser here will be you. One day I will win, this I know. I'm already getting better, and one day you will leave my mind. So hopefully soon I will find some happiness and love, of myself and of my life.
Tuesday, 9 May 2017
On The Importance of Bo Burnham's Comedic Genius
"Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero!"
Comedy is a wonderful way for both the listener and performer to express emotions and "escape" for however long the show in question is. It is a wonderful way of expressing ideas in an engaging manner that allows individuality and freedom of an artist. It is also a way to express opinions about the depressing world we live in, in a way deemed acceptable by many, and it is a way to reflect on the society we are currently in whilst laughing and joking with others.
I remember the exact moment I first listened to Bo Burnham. After a fire at our university (long story, #foundersfire) one of my best friends on my course was staying in my accommodation whilst hers was closed off due to the blaze. We had a wonderful conversation around the youtube, comedy and music we liked, which is when she told me I had to listen to Bo. We then for a few hours proceeded to listen to his songs on youtube. At first listen, I thought he was cool. I wasn't overly paying attention to the music I must admit, it had been a long day and I was rather tired and thinking about waking up at 7am the next morning. But I enjoyed what I was listening to. It wasn't until a few days later however, when I was listening to his material on my own that I realised how insanely amazing it was.
Bo is a, what I like to call, "musical comedian", where the majority of his comedy comes in the form of songs, skits and music/theatric related pieces. I had always been a fan of the combination of music and comedy, so once I had really started listening to Bo, I was awe struck.
Many comedians now-a-days just focus on events that happen in their daily lives, that none of us will ever probably experience, or stories that probably aren't even true or silly little make up puns. Not that this is a problem, obviously. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for comedy in all forms and even the worst joke usually gets me laughing until I'm crying.
But Bo is different. His shows are precisely constructed over a long period of time and then performed in a one hour time slot. He thinks very precisely about every movement, every note, every word and every light that the show entails and makes his overly-practised shows seem like they're spontaneous as far as he can.
The main reason however, that Bo in my eyes is such a wonderful comedian, is his content of music.
As many of you may know, I am one for mental health, sexuality, gender identity, equality etc. I am constantly advocating my views for these on social media, to my friends, around university etc and I am very passionate about topics such as this.
It is topics like this, that Bo includes in such a wonderful way that has made me love his comedy.
It is extremely difficult to find a balance between serious and calm in terms of these topics, but Bo does it near perfectly. In the majority of his best songs, he incorporates a message or advocation somewhere, whether it is the songs main focus or a line or two in the song.
His songs are catchy, interesting, different and so real. He touches upon such a vast array of topics that you never would really think about until heard. Bo has a way with words that I haven't seen in any musician to date. His voice incorporates an unserious tone, making the most serious of songs feel more lighthearted like they were made to be. And his talent in all these ways shows, with him being the youngest comedian to have a comedy special on Comedy Central (at aged 18). He is open about a love-hate relationship with the internet and life in general, not being afraid to call out problems with the world, especially with celebrity culture. In his song "Straight White Male", he touches on the issue of how the world is hard if you are a woman, a person of colour, LGBT etc in a very clever way. By highlighting his joke, petty issues like getting spam emails not marked at spam, compared to women wanting rights, LGBT+ wanting kids etc, he brings to life actually how "easy" life is for certain people, compared to out-groups who are still fighting for rights they should've been granted long ago.
Bo Burnham to me, is something in entertainment I had wanted to find for a long time. He is real, honest and not afraid to say anything he feels on stage. He says things that many of us are afraid to say aloud, especially when it comes to the topic of social media and the impact it has had on the world. His comments on social media, whether that be in interviews or in his performances, highlight the world we have been sucked into, where everything online seems better than it does in real life. Or how we rely on others to make us feel loved. A prime example of this is "Repeat Stuff", a dig at modern pop music and it's blatant copy and paste of each song, with a few different lyrics and tunes. "cashing in on puberty and low self esteem and girls desperate need to feel love" is a perfect example spilling the truth on pop music. I'll even admit myself, my main One Direction fangirl days revolved around me needing to feel like someone "cared" about me, and that's what their music did (still does not even sorry) to me.
An aspect I love is how he talks about not fitting the person he wanted to be. An almost encore to Make Happy, shows this in its entirety. "hey look ma I made it, are you happy?" and "you're everything you hated, are you happy?" show that happiness doesn't come from fame, from pleasing others. It comes from being what you want to be.
But, what I believe to be the most important factor in his shows, is his messages throughout, whether hidden or straight out. Even though the majority of his skits and songs (actually, probably all of them) contain a message, his words, phrases and actions throughout the performance itself, portray Bo's feelings itself, whether intentional or not. In "Make Happy", he contains a short segment before the finale, expressing his opinions in a no lights, actual talk with the audience, inadvertently trying to persuade them to live their life without the judgement of others. He acknowledges his role as a comedian, leaving Make Happy's ending with the bittersweet line "I hope you're happy", arguably referring to the fact that he knows his job is to make others happy, even if its at the cost of his own happiness. His performance has different metaphors that lead to different interpretations, meaning it is arguably different for all, an aspect I also love about his shows.
In the finale to the "Make Happy" special, Bo "mimics" a rant by Kayne West to reflect his own life. Within the 7 minute song "Can't Handle This", Bo portrays the metaphor of struggling to fit into the mold of what he wants to be, and constantly being overwhelmed almost at this prospect (or at least that's how I interpret it), shown through a "silly" metaphor of Pringle Cans and Burritos, "I can't fit my hand inside of a Pringle Can" / "I wouldn't have got half this shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito". Emphasising the metaphor, Bo emphasises that he wouldn't have gotten into his career if he knew how his health would've been impacted. Further on in the song, he almost argues with himself, singing "I want to please you, but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve, but I want to say what I think, and not care what you think about it", publically saying that he wants to be his own comedian, but also wants to please his fans.
In the same song, my favourite Bo lyrics of them all. "I don't think I can handle this right now. Look at them their just staring at me like come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." By diving more up front into his personal issues, Bo straight up says what performing is doing to him. What it is to him. As a comedian, his daily involves making people happy. People (me included) pay to see him and other comedians as escapism and a way of feeling happy. It is obvious this would take its toll on anyone, but you never really think of a comedian feeling sad or experiencing mental health difficulty, which they do.
His finale in "what." also conveys a wonderfully powerful message. "We Think We Know You" comes from the perspective of people judging him without really knowing him. The song even starts with three "people" (prerecorded voices" right out speaking to him and making judgements of who he is "it's cause you're an arrogant prick". The song is a performance in itself, carefully constructed and acted to make a masterpiece worthy of ending a performance of a lifetime (seriously, watch the damn thing.)
Also, wanting to give a mention to Left Brain, Right Brain (I'm a psychology student, pls), From God's Perspective, #Deep, Sad and Lower Your Expectations, for all once again, being masterpieces in their own right. But the final piece I want to touch upon is one from his "Words Words Words", the first special he aired (Comedy Central ftw), ART IS DEAD.
Art is Dead is not meant as a comedy piece. It is a short, fast paced song that highlights what it actually is to be an artist. At the time of this, Bo was 18, so lyrically, the song is perfect to what Bo would have been when writing. He would've been rather new in the comedy field at this point, thus highlights the whole "comedian" thing that someone would dream, the money, the attention.
He constantly refers to money in this piece "some people think your funny, how do we get these peoples money" / "the show has got a budget, and all of the poor people way more deserving of the money won't budge it, because I wanted my name in lights, when I could have fed a family of four for fourty fucking fortnights", and arguably portraying how unfair society is in the way that people are willing to spend millions on a show, when there are many people homeless and impoverished in society. My favourite line of the song comes in the form of "my drugs attention, I am an addict, but I get paid to indulge in my habit." Many people have bad habits that keep them feeling somewhat okay, whether this be drugs, alcohol and more. But Bo highlights how he is encouraged to partake in his addiction, by writing specials.
Bo Burnham is a genius. I said it. His words have genuinely changed how I view the world (urgh that's sappy). Even though I knew people aren't always as happy as they seem, it to me, highlights that even famous people feel this way. Bo has opinions, and unlike others he chooses to express them. As time passes, his songs contain more real world and mental health metaphors, showing his decline in health as he carries on. But his songs to me mean so much more, in ways I cannot really describe. I constantly am listening to them and singing along, because I feel the things he portrays. It just clicks and sits right with me.
And even though in his song "Kill Yourself", he highlights how you shouldn't rely on celebrities to make you feel happy and that one song can't fix everything, his music does to me. He does to me. He makes me feel better than I have done in a long time, because of his personality, his words, his honesty and his presence. His focus on mental health "suicide is an epidemic and I don't wanna be misconstrued, signs of depression go overlooked, so if you're depressed then you need to book a therapy session", world hate "who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick", and LGBT+ "wears a cape made out of a rainbow flag" (+ straight white male), is something that is SO important to me and has really helped my recovery from depression and anxiety.
Bo Burnham is important.
I love you Bo (well the idea of you) and I hope you're happy.
"you're everything you hated, are you happy?"
Watch Bo's Comedy Specials "what." and "Make Happy" on Netflix, it's worth it.
You can also listen to him on Spotify: https://play.spotify.com/artist/2Waw2sSbqvAwK8NwACNjVo?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open
Twitter: https://twitter.com/boburnham
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/boburnham (or type his name in)
Comedy is a wonderful way for both the listener and performer to express emotions and "escape" for however long the show in question is. It is a wonderful way of expressing ideas in an engaging manner that allows individuality and freedom of an artist. It is also a way to express opinions about the depressing world we live in, in a way deemed acceptable by many, and it is a way to reflect on the society we are currently in whilst laughing and joking with others.
I remember the exact moment I first listened to Bo Burnham. After a fire at our university (long story, #foundersfire) one of my best friends on my course was staying in my accommodation whilst hers was closed off due to the blaze. We had a wonderful conversation around the youtube, comedy and music we liked, which is when she told me I had to listen to Bo. We then for a few hours proceeded to listen to his songs on youtube. At first listen, I thought he was cool. I wasn't overly paying attention to the music I must admit, it had been a long day and I was rather tired and thinking about waking up at 7am the next morning. But I enjoyed what I was listening to. It wasn't until a few days later however, when I was listening to his material on my own that I realised how insanely amazing it was.
Bo is a, what I like to call, "musical comedian", where the majority of his comedy comes in the form of songs, skits and music/theatric related pieces. I had always been a fan of the combination of music and comedy, so once I had really started listening to Bo, I was awe struck.
Many comedians now-a-days just focus on events that happen in their daily lives, that none of us will ever probably experience, or stories that probably aren't even true or silly little make up puns. Not that this is a problem, obviously. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for comedy in all forms and even the worst joke usually gets me laughing until I'm crying.
But Bo is different. His shows are precisely constructed over a long period of time and then performed in a one hour time slot. He thinks very precisely about every movement, every note, every word and every light that the show entails and makes his overly-practised shows seem like they're spontaneous as far as he can.
The main reason however, that Bo in my eyes is such a wonderful comedian, is his content of music.
As many of you may know, I am one for mental health, sexuality, gender identity, equality etc. I am constantly advocating my views for these on social media, to my friends, around university etc and I am very passionate about topics such as this.
It is topics like this, that Bo includes in such a wonderful way that has made me love his comedy.
It is extremely difficult to find a balance between serious and calm in terms of these topics, but Bo does it near perfectly. In the majority of his best songs, he incorporates a message or advocation somewhere, whether it is the songs main focus or a line or two in the song.
His songs are catchy, interesting, different and so real. He touches upon such a vast array of topics that you never would really think about until heard. Bo has a way with words that I haven't seen in any musician to date. His voice incorporates an unserious tone, making the most serious of songs feel more lighthearted like they were made to be. And his talent in all these ways shows, with him being the youngest comedian to have a comedy special on Comedy Central (at aged 18). He is open about a love-hate relationship with the internet and life in general, not being afraid to call out problems with the world, especially with celebrity culture. In his song "Straight White Male", he touches on the issue of how the world is hard if you are a woman, a person of colour, LGBT etc in a very clever way. By highlighting his joke, petty issues like getting spam emails not marked at spam, compared to women wanting rights, LGBT+ wanting kids etc, he brings to life actually how "easy" life is for certain people, compared to out-groups who are still fighting for rights they should've been granted long ago.
Bo Burnham to me, is something in entertainment I had wanted to find for a long time. He is real, honest and not afraid to say anything he feels on stage. He says things that many of us are afraid to say aloud, especially when it comes to the topic of social media and the impact it has had on the world. His comments on social media, whether that be in interviews or in his performances, highlight the world we have been sucked into, where everything online seems better than it does in real life. Or how we rely on others to make us feel loved. A prime example of this is "Repeat Stuff", a dig at modern pop music and it's blatant copy and paste of each song, with a few different lyrics and tunes. "cashing in on puberty and low self esteem and girls desperate need to feel love" is a perfect example spilling the truth on pop music. I'll even admit myself, my main One Direction fangirl days revolved around me needing to feel like someone "cared" about me, and that's what their music did (still does not even sorry) to me.
An aspect I love is how he talks about not fitting the person he wanted to be. An almost encore to Make Happy, shows this in its entirety. "hey look ma I made it, are you happy?" and "you're everything you hated, are you happy?" show that happiness doesn't come from fame, from pleasing others. It comes from being what you want to be.
But, what I believe to be the most important factor in his shows, is his messages throughout, whether hidden or straight out. Even though the majority of his skits and songs (actually, probably all of them) contain a message, his words, phrases and actions throughout the performance itself, portray Bo's feelings itself, whether intentional or not. In "Make Happy", he contains a short segment before the finale, expressing his opinions in a no lights, actual talk with the audience, inadvertently trying to persuade them to live their life without the judgement of others. He acknowledges his role as a comedian, leaving Make Happy's ending with the bittersweet line "I hope you're happy", arguably referring to the fact that he knows his job is to make others happy, even if its at the cost of his own happiness. His performance has different metaphors that lead to different interpretations, meaning it is arguably different for all, an aspect I also love about his shows.
In the finale to the "Make Happy" special, Bo "mimics" a rant by Kayne West to reflect his own life. Within the 7 minute song "Can't Handle This", Bo portrays the metaphor of struggling to fit into the mold of what he wants to be, and constantly being overwhelmed almost at this prospect (or at least that's how I interpret it), shown through a "silly" metaphor of Pringle Cans and Burritos, "I can't fit my hand inside of a Pringle Can" / "I wouldn't have got half this shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito". Emphasising the metaphor, Bo emphasises that he wouldn't have gotten into his career if he knew how his health would've been impacted. Further on in the song, he almost argues with himself, singing "I want to please you, but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve, but I want to say what I think, and not care what you think about it", publically saying that he wants to be his own comedian, but also wants to please his fans.
In the same song, my favourite Bo lyrics of them all. "I don't think I can handle this right now. Look at them their just staring at me like come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." By diving more up front into his personal issues, Bo straight up says what performing is doing to him. What it is to him. As a comedian, his daily involves making people happy. People (me included) pay to see him and other comedians as escapism and a way of feeling happy. It is obvious this would take its toll on anyone, but you never really think of a comedian feeling sad or experiencing mental health difficulty, which they do.
His finale in "what." also conveys a wonderfully powerful message. "We Think We Know You" comes from the perspective of people judging him without really knowing him. The song even starts with three "people" (prerecorded voices" right out speaking to him and making judgements of who he is "it's cause you're an arrogant prick". The song is a performance in itself, carefully constructed and acted to make a masterpiece worthy of ending a performance of a lifetime (seriously, watch the damn thing.)
Also, wanting to give a mention to Left Brain, Right Brain (I'm a psychology student, pls), From God's Perspective, #Deep, Sad and Lower Your Expectations, for all once again, being masterpieces in their own right. But the final piece I want to touch upon is one from his "Words Words Words", the first special he aired (Comedy Central ftw), ART IS DEAD.
Art is Dead is not meant as a comedy piece. It is a short, fast paced song that highlights what it actually is to be an artist. At the time of this, Bo was 18, so lyrically, the song is perfect to what Bo would have been when writing. He would've been rather new in the comedy field at this point, thus highlights the whole "comedian" thing that someone would dream, the money, the attention.
He constantly refers to money in this piece "some people think your funny, how do we get these peoples money" / "the show has got a budget, and all of the poor people way more deserving of the money won't budge it, because I wanted my name in lights, when I could have fed a family of four for fourty fucking fortnights", and arguably portraying how unfair society is in the way that people are willing to spend millions on a show, when there are many people homeless and impoverished in society. My favourite line of the song comes in the form of "my drugs attention, I am an addict, but I get paid to indulge in my habit." Many people have bad habits that keep them feeling somewhat okay, whether this be drugs, alcohol and more. But Bo highlights how he is encouraged to partake in his addiction, by writing specials.
Bo Burnham is a genius. I said it. His words have genuinely changed how I view the world (urgh that's sappy). Even though I knew people aren't always as happy as they seem, it to me, highlights that even famous people feel this way. Bo has opinions, and unlike others he chooses to express them. As time passes, his songs contain more real world and mental health metaphors, showing his decline in health as he carries on. But his songs to me mean so much more, in ways I cannot really describe. I constantly am listening to them and singing along, because I feel the things he portrays. It just clicks and sits right with me.
And even though in his song "Kill Yourself", he highlights how you shouldn't rely on celebrities to make you feel happy and that one song can't fix everything, his music does to me. He does to me. He makes me feel better than I have done in a long time, because of his personality, his words, his honesty and his presence. His focus on mental health "suicide is an epidemic and I don't wanna be misconstrued, signs of depression go overlooked, so if you're depressed then you need to book a therapy session", world hate "who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick", and LGBT+ "wears a cape made out of a rainbow flag" (+ straight white male), is something that is SO important to me and has really helped my recovery from depression and anxiety.
Bo Burnham is important.
I love you Bo (well the idea of you) and I hope you're happy.
"you're everything you hated, are you happy?"
///\\\
Watch Bo's Comedy Specials "what." and "Make Happy" on Netflix, it's worth it.
You can also listen to him on Spotify: https://play.spotify.com/artist/2Waw2sSbqvAwK8NwACNjVo?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open
Twitter: https://twitter.com/boburnham
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/boburnham (or type his name in)
Tuesday, 2 May 2017
The Importance of Self Care in Exam Season
Exam season.
The time where students across the country spend a few months revising until 3am, completing past papers like their life depends on it and worrying that they're going to fail and ruin their entire lives because they didn't know the middle name of Henry VII's cat or how to work out the angle of X in a quadrilateral with no further information.
Whether SAT, GCSE, A/AS Level or Uni level exams, it is a horrible, stressful and tiring time for all. Whether you are worried about scraping the C in maths and English, or worried that you won't get the needed many A*'s to get into Oxford, all the overwhelming pressure on exams leads to a few months of hell for students.
I for one, know this feeling well. Studying for 10 hours a day, constantly pestering teachers and friends for help, being put down by the past paper you a U in when your exams in 2 weeks (yes, I'm indirecting you GCSE Additional Maths). I also find myself struggling to sleep, feeling so tired and lethargic that the stress makes me ill and even eating an unhealthy amount less than normal, when really I should be eating more. Feeling bad for getting up to speak to your mum for 5 minutes because its 5 minutes less you'd been revising. Getting stressed trying to decide what needs revising first. The actual revising, then realising you literally remember nothing of what you wrote down 20 seconds ago.
Exam season for me, is one that is bad for my mental health, naturally. The added stress and panic means a complete increase in levels of anxiety that, especially for my AS levels, led to too many panic attacks and breakdowns.
For me, my best simply isn't good enough. My 196/200 UMS in AS Psychology wasn't good enough. Why didn't I get the full 200? Obviously I was over the moon with my grade, but I know for me and many others that anything we do and whatever we get isn't good enough. There is always something telling you that you could have done better, whether this be your parents, friends, classmates, your dream university or yourself. This is the problem with exams. Doing your best isn't enough. You have the whole stress of having to relearn a years content, knowing the structure of writing an essay, the actual build up the exam day, sitting in an exam hall in silence not knowing what will come up and then the discussions afterwards. If that isn't bad enough (with the added anxiety of spending 2 months thinking about your results, then results day itself), you always have someone who's done better than you, someone who is upset you didn't do better, even though you did all you could.
Exam season is full of anxiety. It is full of anger and demotivation and stress to the point that during the last few exam seasons I've had, I've been at the worst mentally I had for a while.
This is why I find it especially important to be making sure that you take care of yourself during exam season.
For many years I put my grades before my health, both mental and physical. I know I did. I looked more tired each day that passed, I was noticeably losing weight, I was really really ill and any progress in terms of recovery I had made were ruined in this time, because I was so stressed, anxious and sad that I couldn't carry on trying to recover as well.
This year, it's going to be different.
Because when you start stressing because of exams to the point your health is poor, you start stressing even more which leads to your health getting worse.
And it does get to a time where you have to stop, accept you're doing as much as you can do and breathe.
Breathe.
Take one second to think about how far you've come. You've gotten through the year of hard work like you've got through every other. The fact you are even doing these exams is wonderful and an amazing place to be.
You learn better when you are healthy, calm and mentally okay. You may feel guilty by taking an hour or a day out of revising, but by giving yourself this break you are allowing your brain to rest so you don't overload yourself on information and tire yourself out.
You need to do the things you love to do on a normal basis, even though circumstances are different.
Want to go on a night out? Go, let off some steam. Want to meet up with a friend? Go on a day trip? Sleep all day? Read? Do it. Do everything you love and everything you do that makes you feel happy to make sure you are staying calm in the most stressful part of the year.
Make sure you continue to look after yourself. Make sure you're getting the right amount of sleep, eating well, showering, exercising and drinking water. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind, which helps you learn and helps with exams in itself.
Make sure you are organised as well, you don't want to realise the day before your exam that you don't know the room or you don't have the right equipment. Take plenty of breaks when studying, to refresh your brain and stay awake. Make a revision timetable. Plan studying around when you work best and avoid any bad habits, like staying away from goals.
Remember, you can only do your best.
I know that's a phrase that you are constantly hounded with, even I find it hard to accept. We are all socialised to believe we can do more, we can get a better grade, but realistically we cannot give 100% all the time. We physically cannot always be working to our optimal and that is okay. Do the best that you can physically do, taking in the circumstances. If that means doing 2 hours of work, then that is okay. And by setting realistic goals, it is much easier to do that. Whether this be during revision or grades for certain exams, make sure you aren't going to be significantly disheartened because you couldn't get a top mark, when realistically in a certain subject you struggled in, your best mark may seen average.
If you are extremely worried about exams, don't be afraid to talk to someone, whether this be a friend, school councillor or a friend. It can help to get your feelings out.
And put it all into perspective.
One bad grade won't ruin your life.
Because you didn't get a high grade in one exam of the many you have taken and will take in your lifetime, it doesn't mean your life is over. One bad grade won't get you kicked out a school/college/uni. If you miss grades to get into a uni, it isn't the end of the world. Wherever you end up you will have fun and learn.
Exam success doesn't define you. A grade doesn't define you. Because you couldn't pass GCSE maths, doesn't mean you are a failure and that you aren't smart. People are good at different things and just because theres something you can't do, that doesn't make you an idiot. Your talents are what you should focus on. Maybe you are a fantastic painter. A top athlete. A singer. Maybe you can't do English but you are a science whizz. The things we forget is that we can't be good at everything. But we can excel in a few things. Employers won't care about your grade if you aren't going into a relevant field. And they'll also care about you as a person, don't forget that.
And once an exam is over, you cannot do anything about it.
You've come this far and you're doing great. Keep it up. Look after yourself.
Don't stress too much about a one hour exam that won't matter in a few years time when you are doing bigger and better things.
The time where students across the country spend a few months revising until 3am, completing past papers like their life depends on it and worrying that they're going to fail and ruin their entire lives because they didn't know the middle name of Henry VII's cat or how to work out the angle of X in a quadrilateral with no further information.
Whether SAT, GCSE, A/AS Level or Uni level exams, it is a horrible, stressful and tiring time for all. Whether you are worried about scraping the C in maths and English, or worried that you won't get the needed many A*'s to get into Oxford, all the overwhelming pressure on exams leads to a few months of hell for students.
I for one, know this feeling well. Studying for 10 hours a day, constantly pestering teachers and friends for help, being put down by the past paper you a U in when your exams in 2 weeks (yes, I'm indirecting you GCSE Additional Maths). I also find myself struggling to sleep, feeling so tired and lethargic that the stress makes me ill and even eating an unhealthy amount less than normal, when really I should be eating more. Feeling bad for getting up to speak to your mum for 5 minutes because its 5 minutes less you'd been revising. Getting stressed trying to decide what needs revising first. The actual revising, then realising you literally remember nothing of what you wrote down 20 seconds ago.
Exam season for me, is one that is bad for my mental health, naturally. The added stress and panic means a complete increase in levels of anxiety that, especially for my AS levels, led to too many panic attacks and breakdowns.
For me, my best simply isn't good enough. My 196/200 UMS in AS Psychology wasn't good enough. Why didn't I get the full 200? Obviously I was over the moon with my grade, but I know for me and many others that anything we do and whatever we get isn't good enough. There is always something telling you that you could have done better, whether this be your parents, friends, classmates, your dream university or yourself. This is the problem with exams. Doing your best isn't enough. You have the whole stress of having to relearn a years content, knowing the structure of writing an essay, the actual build up the exam day, sitting in an exam hall in silence not knowing what will come up and then the discussions afterwards. If that isn't bad enough (with the added anxiety of spending 2 months thinking about your results, then results day itself), you always have someone who's done better than you, someone who is upset you didn't do better, even though you did all you could.
Exam season is full of anxiety. It is full of anger and demotivation and stress to the point that during the last few exam seasons I've had, I've been at the worst mentally I had for a while.
This is why I find it especially important to be making sure that you take care of yourself during exam season.
For many years I put my grades before my health, both mental and physical. I know I did. I looked more tired each day that passed, I was noticeably losing weight, I was really really ill and any progress in terms of recovery I had made were ruined in this time, because I was so stressed, anxious and sad that I couldn't carry on trying to recover as well.
This year, it's going to be different.
Because when you start stressing because of exams to the point your health is poor, you start stressing even more which leads to your health getting worse.
And it does get to a time where you have to stop, accept you're doing as much as you can do and breathe.
Breathe.
Take one second to think about how far you've come. You've gotten through the year of hard work like you've got through every other. The fact you are even doing these exams is wonderful and an amazing place to be.
You learn better when you are healthy, calm and mentally okay. You may feel guilty by taking an hour or a day out of revising, but by giving yourself this break you are allowing your brain to rest so you don't overload yourself on information and tire yourself out.
You need to do the things you love to do on a normal basis, even though circumstances are different.
Want to go on a night out? Go, let off some steam. Want to meet up with a friend? Go on a day trip? Sleep all day? Read? Do it. Do everything you love and everything you do that makes you feel happy to make sure you are staying calm in the most stressful part of the year.
Make sure you continue to look after yourself. Make sure you're getting the right amount of sleep, eating well, showering, exercising and drinking water. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind, which helps you learn and helps with exams in itself.
Make sure you are organised as well, you don't want to realise the day before your exam that you don't know the room or you don't have the right equipment. Take plenty of breaks when studying, to refresh your brain and stay awake. Make a revision timetable. Plan studying around when you work best and avoid any bad habits, like staying away from goals.
Remember, you can only do your best.
I know that's a phrase that you are constantly hounded with, even I find it hard to accept. We are all socialised to believe we can do more, we can get a better grade, but realistically we cannot give 100% all the time. We physically cannot always be working to our optimal and that is okay. Do the best that you can physically do, taking in the circumstances. If that means doing 2 hours of work, then that is okay. And by setting realistic goals, it is much easier to do that. Whether this be during revision or grades for certain exams, make sure you aren't going to be significantly disheartened because you couldn't get a top mark, when realistically in a certain subject you struggled in, your best mark may seen average.
If you are extremely worried about exams, don't be afraid to talk to someone, whether this be a friend, school councillor or a friend. It can help to get your feelings out.
And put it all into perspective.
One bad grade won't ruin your life.
Because you didn't get a high grade in one exam of the many you have taken and will take in your lifetime, it doesn't mean your life is over. One bad grade won't get you kicked out a school/college/uni. If you miss grades to get into a uni, it isn't the end of the world. Wherever you end up you will have fun and learn.
Exam success doesn't define you. A grade doesn't define you. Because you couldn't pass GCSE maths, doesn't mean you are a failure and that you aren't smart. People are good at different things and just because theres something you can't do, that doesn't make you an idiot. Your talents are what you should focus on. Maybe you are a fantastic painter. A top athlete. A singer. Maybe you can't do English but you are a science whizz. The things we forget is that we can't be good at everything. But we can excel in a few things. Employers won't care about your grade if you aren't going into a relevant field. And they'll also care about you as a person, don't forget that.
And once an exam is over, you cannot do anything about it.
You've come this far and you're doing great. Keep it up. Look after yourself.
Don't stress too much about a one hour exam that won't matter in a few years time when you are doing bigger and better things.
Tuesday, 18 April 2017
Let's Talk About Thirteen Reasons Why
*Notes, Spoiler Alerts.
PS, alot of this is rather negative towards parts of the show, if you're even going to bother to publically be shitty about this then just stop reading now. These are MY opinions from the perspective of a person who has previously been in a very similar place to Hannah, so the whole "i bet they don't even understand mental health" shit doesn't apply if you don't agree, bye.
PPS, links at the bottom if you are ever in need of help in regards to mental health / suicide.*
As many of you may know, 13 Reasons Why is a novel released by author Jay Asher, which has now been made into a 13 part series on Netflix. (Before I properly start, I love Asher as an author and human being, cool)
PS, alot of this is rather negative towards parts of the show, if you're even going to bother to publically be shitty about this then just stop reading now. These are MY opinions from the perspective of a person who has previously been in a very similar place to Hannah, so the whole "i bet they don't even understand mental health" shit doesn't apply if you don't agree, bye.
PPS, links at the bottom if you are ever in need of help in regards to mental health / suicide.*
As many of you may know, 13 Reasons Why is a novel released by author Jay Asher, which has now been made into a 13 part series on Netflix. (Before I properly start, I love Asher as an author and human being, cool)
It tells the story of Hannah Baker (Played by Katherine Langford) and ultimately why she decided to commit suicide. The focus of the story is based around 13 recorded tapes, that explain why she made this decision. These tapes are passed around her classmates who made up the reasons. But this story is "told" as Clay Jensen has the tapes, a person unlike everyone else in the story. It is represented on Netflix through 13 episodes, one for each tape, each episode an hour or so long. It is also rather addictive.
13 Reasons Why (TRW) was a book I read and loved as a child. But when I was reading it all those years ago, I didn't have an understanding like I do now about mental health. The book was published when I was 11. I read it aged 12. At this point in my life, I didn't know what mental health, self harm and suicide even really was. I didn't think it to be a "thing" that people actually did. But now, I know different. And with mental health being a topic I am highly passionate about, when I heard about the series I was highly expectant of it's portrayal of a topic dear to my heart. Also on that point, reading it so young meant i didn't really remember what happened. So I was excited to refresh my memory.
And even though I did enjoy the series, I have mixed reviews of it. Yes, it got me completely hooked and led to a binge watch (when I should've been studying for my degree but whatevs first year doesn't count right?), but there are parts of the portrayal I loved and parts I just didn't agree with.
So here it goes.
First things first, I want to talk about my absolute favourite part of the series, which is probably not really spoken about enough if I'm honest. Hannah's parents.
The thing about wanting to die, is the belief that everyone would be happier without you being alive. For many people, you think you are more of a burden to people than any form of worth, and that you'd be making people's lives better if you were gone. You might also think that no one would miss you or even realise you weren't alive.
And that is what I love about the series. The acting of Hannah's parent's is absolutely commendable. Yes, it is obvious that other characters too are feeling the same anger and grief, however it is mainly seen through her parents constant emotional display that completely pulled on my heart strings. It's one thing being told that the effects of suicide are real and bigger than you will realise, but to see how her parents and friends lives were shattered and affected by her suicide I personally believe is such a needed portrayal in society, and really fucking hit home. You often convince yourself that no one cares about you, but this just showed that people do. People do care about you, and it really makes you think again about putting these people through such horrible emotions and horrible times. I don't think I could ever understand what parents in that situation must be going through, but the show portrays it in a way that tries to tell the story.
Another thing I actually liked was the layout of the series. I liked that it was one episode per tape. I loved how Clay paused the tapes and then everything around him carried on. I loved how it wasn't solely focused on Hannah all the time. It flowed so well and at this point I give a shout out to Clay Jensen (played by Dylan Minnette) for not rushing through the tapes, and telling the story so fucking well. I loved how past Clay/Hannah and present Clay matched up together at certain points (like the scene at the car crash or the basketball match). It brought the story to life in a way that words alone couldn't do. It was wonderful and so well done. My only issue was the whole one hour episodes thing, because it dragged the story on certain peoples tapes on way longer than it needed to, but I guess that's more binge watching time.
Right. Now lets go onto my negatives.
Lets start with Clay. Ah Clay, a cute little innocent guy, who just loved Hannah Baker. This point isn't actually about Clay himself. I loved Clay, I thought he was great. He was real and awesome and you could tell how much this was affecting him and I was so damn worried about his mental state for so long, I was convinced he was in the ambulance (if you're reading and didn't want spoilers, I warned you). He says my favourite line in the show, "Everyone is just so nice until they drive you to kill yourself". He wants to make everything known to the world like it should've been, especially with Bryce. I admired Clay as a character.
What I hated was the "I cost a girl her life because I was afraid to love her" line. Now let me stop you there. No matter what any of the characters or people in this world thing, LOVE DOES NOT SAVE EVERYTHING. Why is the message that love conquers all even linked to this. I personally feel like it tries to hint at the whole, if someone finds love they won't want to commit suicide idea, which just isn't true. Yeah, love is wonderful, but it doesn't fix your thoughts. It doesn't make your mental health suddenly any better than it was when you weren't in love. People in love still commit suicide, because feelings of suicide is a complex, horrible thing that doesn't have one easy solution. Neither does mental health.
This kinda brings me onto my next point. Mental health in the show isn't mentioned directly and it should have. No, you don't need to have a mental health difficulty to have suicidal feelings. That's not what I'm saying. But many characters have obvious signs of some sort of problem/addiction, that I personally felt should have been addressed. Alex showed signs of being suicidal (yes i believe he shot himself in the head, fuck this whole it was Tyler shit), Justin was abused at home, that was kinda brushed off. Hannah was probably suffering from some form of PTSD (Jessica may have too) and probably depression. I also think Clay has symptoms of (social) anxiety. But not one of these words were even mentioned.
A show that was so passionate about teenagers mental health and suicide prevention, I personally believe NEEDED to have said these things. A person may be sat watching thinking that they had similar symptoms to a character, realise they may have a similar or the same mental health problem, and then talk to someone about it. Because at the end of the day, that is a huge part the show should be playing. Also, there was a significant sub story surrounding their underage drinking and alcohol/drug abuse that was also brushed off and in my personal opinion, didn't even make it seem like this was a problem. And it damn well should have. Because, kinda speaking from experience, reliance on alcohol to make your problems go away is a very bad thing to do, which can easily turn into an alcohol addiction to make everything okay. Which it doesn't. I can vouch for that.
Another shorter point. Yes, TRW, thank you for having trigger warnings on the episodes with rape and with Hannah's suicide. They were so needed it's unreal. I knew from the start I couldn't dare to watch the suicide scene, so when I knew it was coming I was able to find out the timings and skip it. However, I personally think a few more were needed. The episodes with Hannah laying dead on the basketball court I think needed a TW. Ones with abuse of Justin I think did to. And a few more did. But they weren't there and I felt really shit and uncomfortable and mentally not okay for a while after watching certain scenes, all because of the lack of a warning. I know, a show about suicide is going to be rather triggering, but I still don't want to unexpectedly see a girl with cut open arms appearing on my screen. It isn't okay.
My final and probably biggest thing about the series was Hannah's portrayal. At a writing level. I think Katherine did a wonderful job as Hannah. But at a character level, honestly, parts made her seem like a whiny little bitch. Yeah, I said it. Obviously I'm not saying she was, because I said at the start, I know what it's like. I know how much words can slice you down, how every little thing bundles up to a point you just cannot do it anymore. But, she was portrayed at many times as an attention seeker, a liar ("why would a dead girl lie?". By the end, some characters understand (kinda) that she wasn't attention seeking, but once again, this wasn't properly addressed. It adds the fuel to the fire about suicide being selfish, and that is not okay.
My main issue though for this point, was actually the tape system. This isn't something I actually active hated until I spoke to a friend after finishing. Look, I know it's kinda the whole plot of the book and series. It's a nice creative idea yes, but not realistic enough. Not that it had to be, it just was portrayed too realistically (dw, I know what I mean), for me to be able to look past it and be like, yeah okay I can roll with it. Also, I hate, hate hate hate how she didn't leave her parents a note. It's bad enough that her parents have to go through this, let alone do it without closure from Hannah. THEY deserved closure and some answers. Personally, I don't believe the people who hurt her deserved it, if her own parents weren't getting it. And the whole "everyone hears everyone elses tapes" doesn't fly by me either, because that makes it into a game of pass the blame, which also shouldn't have happened. Why? Because the only person who I personally believe was to blame was BRYCE FUCKING WALKER, who didn't even hear the tapes. Oh, and suicide isn't a game of "who did it". You hear me?
All of this, makes Hannah seem abit bratty. Who would put her friends/old friends through the pain they went through? Why on earth was Clay/Alex and even Jessica etc put on the same fucking set of tapes as Bryce. Surely she knew that it would push them over the edge. Because it made me feel awful, and I wasn't even involved (obviously). You wouldn't put the people you love through that, you just wouldn't.
And I'm not saying that what happened to Hannah was in any way okay. I said earlier, I know how much words and actions hurt. How badly pictures can ruin your life. And I cannot imagine how awful witnessing a rape and being raped must have been. I would never wish that on anyone, I have so much respect for all rape survivors I cannot even put it into words. But I cannot convince myself that anyone could realistically record these stories onto the tapes and get the people that "hurt her" to listen, because truth be told, they're probably all emotional messes as it is.
Hannah could and should have been portrayed abit better in my opinion, that's all I'm saying. Because, Hannah Baker, "You're good and kind and decent. And I didn't deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. It would have ruined you. It wasn't you. It was me" and "Why didn't you say that to me when I was alive" are two quotes that I wish you had never said. Because it makes me really angry, that you didn't want to ruin Clay, but then proceeding to put him on these tapes (surely you knew it would have ruined him). And you cannot say he "killed you" for leaving a room after you told him to fuck off a good 3 or 4 times. Come on, please.
And that's where I'll end off the ranting.
I'll end it there for a few reasons, but mainly because, despite all the problems I had with the show, I still think it needs to be watched. Not because "it shows people that words really hurt" because if you didn't already know that then you are a complete ignorant asshole, but because I really think the aftermath of a suicide needs to be shown. It just needs to be. People need to visually see that suicide leads to horrible consequences, whether that be guilt if you played a significant part or grief because you lost a love one. Because seeing (especially the latter) this portrayed can honestly hit people in a way that words simply cannot, and here I speak from experience.
Yes, it has flaws. But those are my personal opinions. People have different perspectives, I get that. Some people think it did a wonderful job of expressing it's points, I personally think it could have done better. Mental health and suicide are topics that, even though the stigma now is breaking down for, are just not talked about enough. This show opens the topic to people that may not have understood it beforehand, it gives a message that I have not seen often enough in the media and that is something I respect. I respect the fact the show spoke to psychologists and even people who had experienced this kind of thing, to make it as realistic as possible. Justin Prentice (who plays Bryce) even says how devastating the script was to him, but how he felt he had to play it as best he could so viewers saw the message and understand that it's okay to talk about this. On the whole, the etiquette of everyone involved was wonderful and I am SO thankful that they went through this process.
And even though I felt abit let down by the series, I am so thankful it exists. I hope it sends around the message that suicide is never the answer and that it is okay to talk about this kind of thing.
PS, massive shoutout to Tony. I loved Tony, he also looks like Bruno Mars. He is genuine, a good stalker (shade to Tyler) and a fantastic friend. The coming out to Clay scene was my favourite bit of all 13ish hours. It was wonderful 100/10.
// If you ever feel suicidal and are in urgent need of help, this website contains a list of suicide hotlines for all the countries in the world, no matter where you are, help is avaliable. http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
For more information about mental illness and suicide, visit www.mind.org.uk or www.childline.org.uk.
Do not be afraid to talk about it. It'll all be okay. //
Another thing I actually liked was the layout of the series. I liked that it was one episode per tape. I loved how Clay paused the tapes and then everything around him carried on. I loved how it wasn't solely focused on Hannah all the time. It flowed so well and at this point I give a shout out to Clay Jensen (played by Dylan Minnette) for not rushing through the tapes, and telling the story so fucking well. I loved how past Clay/Hannah and present Clay matched up together at certain points (like the scene at the car crash or the basketball match). It brought the story to life in a way that words alone couldn't do. It was wonderful and so well done. My only issue was the whole one hour episodes thing, because it dragged the story on certain peoples tapes on way longer than it needed to, but I guess that's more binge watching time.
Right. Now lets go onto my negatives.
Lets start with Clay. Ah Clay, a cute little innocent guy, who just loved Hannah Baker. This point isn't actually about Clay himself. I loved Clay, I thought he was great. He was real and awesome and you could tell how much this was affecting him and I was so damn worried about his mental state for so long, I was convinced he was in the ambulance (if you're reading and didn't want spoilers, I warned you). He says my favourite line in the show, "Everyone is just so nice until they drive you to kill yourself". He wants to make everything known to the world like it should've been, especially with Bryce. I admired Clay as a character.
What I hated was the "I cost a girl her life because I was afraid to love her" line. Now let me stop you there. No matter what any of the characters or people in this world thing, LOVE DOES NOT SAVE EVERYTHING. Why is the message that love conquers all even linked to this. I personally feel like it tries to hint at the whole, if someone finds love they won't want to commit suicide idea, which just isn't true. Yeah, love is wonderful, but it doesn't fix your thoughts. It doesn't make your mental health suddenly any better than it was when you weren't in love. People in love still commit suicide, because feelings of suicide is a complex, horrible thing that doesn't have one easy solution. Neither does mental health.
This kinda brings me onto my next point. Mental health in the show isn't mentioned directly and it should have. No, you don't need to have a mental health difficulty to have suicidal feelings. That's not what I'm saying. But many characters have obvious signs of some sort of problem/addiction, that I personally felt should have been addressed. Alex showed signs of being suicidal (yes i believe he shot himself in the head, fuck this whole it was Tyler shit), Justin was abused at home, that was kinda brushed off. Hannah was probably suffering from some form of PTSD (Jessica may have too) and probably depression. I also think Clay has symptoms of (social) anxiety. But not one of these words were even mentioned.
A show that was so passionate about teenagers mental health and suicide prevention, I personally believe NEEDED to have said these things. A person may be sat watching thinking that they had similar symptoms to a character, realise they may have a similar or the same mental health problem, and then talk to someone about it. Because at the end of the day, that is a huge part the show should be playing. Also, there was a significant sub story surrounding their underage drinking and alcohol/drug abuse that was also brushed off and in my personal opinion, didn't even make it seem like this was a problem. And it damn well should have. Because, kinda speaking from experience, reliance on alcohol to make your problems go away is a very bad thing to do, which can easily turn into an alcohol addiction to make everything okay. Which it doesn't. I can vouch for that.
Another shorter point. Yes, TRW, thank you for having trigger warnings on the episodes with rape and with Hannah's suicide. They were so needed it's unreal. I knew from the start I couldn't dare to watch the suicide scene, so when I knew it was coming I was able to find out the timings and skip it. However, I personally think a few more were needed. The episodes with Hannah laying dead on the basketball court I think needed a TW. Ones with abuse of Justin I think did to. And a few more did. But they weren't there and I felt really shit and uncomfortable and mentally not okay for a while after watching certain scenes, all because of the lack of a warning. I know, a show about suicide is going to be rather triggering, but I still don't want to unexpectedly see a girl with cut open arms appearing on my screen. It isn't okay.
My final and probably biggest thing about the series was Hannah's portrayal. At a writing level. I think Katherine did a wonderful job as Hannah. But at a character level, honestly, parts made her seem like a whiny little bitch. Yeah, I said it. Obviously I'm not saying she was, because I said at the start, I know what it's like. I know how much words can slice you down, how every little thing bundles up to a point you just cannot do it anymore. But, she was portrayed at many times as an attention seeker, a liar ("why would a dead girl lie?". By the end, some characters understand (kinda) that she wasn't attention seeking, but once again, this wasn't properly addressed. It adds the fuel to the fire about suicide being selfish, and that is not okay.
My main issue though for this point, was actually the tape system. This isn't something I actually active hated until I spoke to a friend after finishing. Look, I know it's kinda the whole plot of the book and series. It's a nice creative idea yes, but not realistic enough. Not that it had to be, it just was portrayed too realistically (dw, I know what I mean), for me to be able to look past it and be like, yeah okay I can roll with it. Also, I hate, hate hate hate how she didn't leave her parents a note. It's bad enough that her parents have to go through this, let alone do it without closure from Hannah. THEY deserved closure and some answers. Personally, I don't believe the people who hurt her deserved it, if her own parents weren't getting it. And the whole "everyone hears everyone elses tapes" doesn't fly by me either, because that makes it into a game of pass the blame, which also shouldn't have happened. Why? Because the only person who I personally believe was to blame was BRYCE FUCKING WALKER, who didn't even hear the tapes. Oh, and suicide isn't a game of "who did it". You hear me?
All of this, makes Hannah seem abit bratty. Who would put her friends/old friends through the pain they went through? Why on earth was Clay/Alex and even Jessica etc put on the same fucking set of tapes as Bryce. Surely she knew that it would push them over the edge. Because it made me feel awful, and I wasn't even involved (obviously). You wouldn't put the people you love through that, you just wouldn't.
And I'm not saying that what happened to Hannah was in any way okay. I said earlier, I know how much words and actions hurt. How badly pictures can ruin your life. And I cannot imagine how awful witnessing a rape and being raped must have been. I would never wish that on anyone, I have so much respect for all rape survivors I cannot even put it into words. But I cannot convince myself that anyone could realistically record these stories onto the tapes and get the people that "hurt her" to listen, because truth be told, they're probably all emotional messes as it is.
Hannah could and should have been portrayed abit better in my opinion, that's all I'm saying. Because, Hannah Baker, "You're good and kind and decent. And I didn't deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. It would have ruined you. It wasn't you. It was me" and "Why didn't you say that to me when I was alive" are two quotes that I wish you had never said. Because it makes me really angry, that you didn't want to ruin Clay, but then proceeding to put him on these tapes (surely you knew it would have ruined him). And you cannot say he "killed you" for leaving a room after you told him to fuck off a good 3 or 4 times. Come on, please.
And that's where I'll end off the ranting.
I'll end it there for a few reasons, but mainly because, despite all the problems I had with the show, I still think it needs to be watched. Not because "it shows people that words really hurt" because if you didn't already know that then you are a complete ignorant asshole, but because I really think the aftermath of a suicide needs to be shown. It just needs to be. People need to visually see that suicide leads to horrible consequences, whether that be guilt if you played a significant part or grief because you lost a love one. Because seeing (especially the latter) this portrayed can honestly hit people in a way that words simply cannot, and here I speak from experience.
Yes, it has flaws. But those are my personal opinions. People have different perspectives, I get that. Some people think it did a wonderful job of expressing it's points, I personally think it could have done better. Mental health and suicide are topics that, even though the stigma now is breaking down for, are just not talked about enough. This show opens the topic to people that may not have understood it beforehand, it gives a message that I have not seen often enough in the media and that is something I respect. I respect the fact the show spoke to psychologists and even people who had experienced this kind of thing, to make it as realistic as possible. Justin Prentice (who plays Bryce) even says how devastating the script was to him, but how he felt he had to play it as best he could so viewers saw the message and understand that it's okay to talk about this. On the whole, the etiquette of everyone involved was wonderful and I am SO thankful that they went through this process.
And even though I felt abit let down by the series, I am so thankful it exists. I hope it sends around the message that suicide is never the answer and that it is okay to talk about this kind of thing.
PS, massive shoutout to Tony. I loved Tony, he also looks like Bruno Mars. He is genuine, a good stalker (shade to Tyler) and a fantastic friend. The coming out to Clay scene was my favourite bit of all 13ish hours. It was wonderful 100/10.
// If you ever feel suicidal and are in urgent need of help, this website contains a list of suicide hotlines for all the countries in the world, no matter where you are, help is avaliable. http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
For more information about mental illness and suicide, visit www.mind.org.uk or www.childline.org.uk.
Do not be afraid to talk about it. It'll all be okay. //
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
A Letter To My Closest Friends
To my Closest Friends.
To the ones who I have spent countless hours messaging and calling because I want to talk to you even though I just saw you 2 minutes ago. To the ones who have carried me home after one too many drink and the ones that I've carried home for the same reasons. To the ones who have given me laughing fits so hard I couldn't breathe. To the ones who calmed me down in midst of a panic. To the ones who believed in me. To the ones who are always there. To the ones I haven't spoken too in a few hours and to the ones I haven't spoken to in years.
This one goes out to you.
Thank you for making me feel less lonely in a horrible, isolated world.
Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, and thank you for letting me be there for you too.
The world can truly be a horrible place. But you have made it better. You have made the world look even a little bit better. You have provided a light in a dark cave, a sign of hope when all felt lost. You have made me feel at home, whether I'm with you or not.
Friendship is a wonderful thing.
The happiest I feel is when I'm with you. Whether that's going to theme parks, drinking together, playing football together, talking together or even texting over the phone. When I am in contact with you in any way, I feel happy. I feel wanted. I feel loved.
So thank you.
But also thank you for sticking to me. At times, it's probably been a challenge. I know I could be a better friend to you at times and that I have a habit of pushing people away.
Thank you, for pushing your way back in, or even refusing to leave.
Thank you for loving me at my worst like you do at my best. Thank you for all the little things. Thank you for replying to my texts, for getting me a drink, for offering to drive, for bringing me food because I'm too unwell to move. Thank you for introducing me to new things, for calming me down if I'm angry, for making me laugh on the days I need it. Thank you for the sleepovers, the shopping dates, the hugs, the laughs. Thank you for carrying me home because I had waaay too much wine. Thank you for buying me shots to cheer me up (yes, i appreciate it really).
Thank you for being the person I needed when I needed it most. Thank you for all the differences we have in hobbies and music taste. For the banter. For making me adopt your stupid phrasing like I'd spoken that way for my entire life. For smacking me back into reality when I needed it. For reminding me that I am not the enemy I think I am at times. For making me realise the truth. For being the sense of reason. For giving me something that made me feel like I was more than just me. For letting me be a part of something bigger than myself.
And thank you, for the big things. For being my emotional support when I was arguing. For helping me up when I fell. For being there at the time when I couldn't face the world. For being there when he passed away. For supporting me as much as you can when I called out to you. For not leaving me when I hurt you. For not leaving when I hurt myself. For not leaving when all I wanted was for it all to stop.
Thank you for being there when I felt like my life was falling apart. For when absolutely nothing made sense in my brain. For when I had all these things to say but all I could do was sit in silence and feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sending me classworks/notes when I was too anxious to go to lectures. Thank you for understanding my state and almost adapting your behaviour to make me okay. For going out of your way when I needed someone. Thank you for staying when I fell apart to you. Thank you for making me realise that people actually cared about me. For making me realise that people would stay, even when I was convinced that everyone would leave me eventually.
Thank you for everything you are doing to help me. And thank you for letting me help you. Thank you for telling me things first. Thank you for coming to me when you needed help with your relationships. When something had happened and you felt weak and lonely. When you wanted a night out to get away from everything. For helping me understand how to help others, which would then help me understand how to help myself.
You are all truly amazing.
So this is to you, my closest friends.
A thank you. A thank you for being the rock you have been to me. Whether we've been friends a few months or nearly 16 years. Whether I haven't spoken to you for a while or whether we are currently speaking right now.
Thank you for getting me through this. I truly could not be doing it without you.
To the ones who I have spent countless hours messaging and calling because I want to talk to you even though I just saw you 2 minutes ago. To the ones who have carried me home after one too many drink and the ones that I've carried home for the same reasons. To the ones who have given me laughing fits so hard I couldn't breathe. To the ones who calmed me down in midst of a panic. To the ones who believed in me. To the ones who are always there. To the ones I haven't spoken too in a few hours and to the ones I haven't spoken to in years.
This one goes out to you.
Thank you for making me feel less lonely in a horrible, isolated world.
Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, and thank you for letting me be there for you too.
The world can truly be a horrible place. But you have made it better. You have made the world look even a little bit better. You have provided a light in a dark cave, a sign of hope when all felt lost. You have made me feel at home, whether I'm with you or not.
Friendship is a wonderful thing.
The happiest I feel is when I'm with you. Whether that's going to theme parks, drinking together, playing football together, talking together or even texting over the phone. When I am in contact with you in any way, I feel happy. I feel wanted. I feel loved.
So thank you.
But also thank you for sticking to me. At times, it's probably been a challenge. I know I could be a better friend to you at times and that I have a habit of pushing people away.
Thank you, for pushing your way back in, or even refusing to leave.
Thank you for loving me at my worst like you do at my best. Thank you for all the little things. Thank you for replying to my texts, for getting me a drink, for offering to drive, for bringing me food because I'm too unwell to move. Thank you for introducing me to new things, for calming me down if I'm angry, for making me laugh on the days I need it. Thank you for the sleepovers, the shopping dates, the hugs, the laughs. Thank you for carrying me home because I had waaay too much wine. Thank you for buying me shots to cheer me up (yes, i appreciate it really).
Thank you for being the person I needed when I needed it most. Thank you for all the differences we have in hobbies and music taste. For the banter. For making me adopt your stupid phrasing like I'd spoken that way for my entire life. For smacking me back into reality when I needed it. For reminding me that I am not the enemy I think I am at times. For making me realise the truth. For being the sense of reason. For giving me something that made me feel like I was more than just me. For letting me be a part of something bigger than myself.
And thank you, for the big things. For being my emotional support when I was arguing. For helping me up when I fell. For being there at the time when I couldn't face the world. For being there when he passed away. For supporting me as much as you can when I called out to you. For not leaving me when I hurt you. For not leaving when I hurt myself. For not leaving when all I wanted was for it all to stop.
Thank you for being there when I felt like my life was falling apart. For when absolutely nothing made sense in my brain. For when I had all these things to say but all I could do was sit in silence and feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sending me classworks/notes when I was too anxious to go to lectures. Thank you for understanding my state and almost adapting your behaviour to make me okay. For going out of your way when I needed someone. Thank you for staying when I fell apart to you. Thank you for making me realise that people actually cared about me. For making me realise that people would stay, even when I was convinced that everyone would leave me eventually.
Thank you for everything you are doing to help me. And thank you for letting me help you. Thank you for telling me things first. Thank you for coming to me when you needed help with your relationships. When something had happened and you felt weak and lonely. When you wanted a night out to get away from everything. For helping me understand how to help others, which would then help me understand how to help myself.
You are all truly amazing.
So this is to you, my closest friends.
A thank you. A thank you for being the rock you have been to me. Whether we've been friends a few months or nearly 16 years. Whether I haven't spoken to you for a while or whether we are currently speaking right now.
Thank you for getting me through this. I truly could not be doing it without you.
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