A Letter To My Closest Friends

To my Closest Friends.

To the ones who I have spent countless hours messaging and calling because I want to talk to you even though I just saw you 2 minutes ago. To the ones who have carried me home after one too many drink and the ones that I've carried home for the same reasons. To the ones who have given me laughing fits so hard I couldn't breathe. To the ones who calmed me down in midst of a panic. To the ones who believed in me. To the ones who are always there. To the ones I haven't spoken too in a few hours and to the ones I haven't spoken to in years.

This one goes out to you.

Thank you for making me feel less lonely in a horrible, isolated world.
Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, and thank you for letting me be there for you too.

The world can truly be a horrible place. But you have made it better. You have made the world look even a little bit better. You have provided a light in a dark cave, a sign of hope when all felt lost. You have made me feel at home, whether I'm with you or not.

Friendship is a wonderful thing.

The happiest I feel is when I'm with you. Whether that's going to theme parks, drinking together, playing football together, talking together or even texting over the phone. When I am in contact with you in any way, I feel happy. I feel wanted. I feel loved.

So thank you.

But also thank you for sticking to me. At times, it's probably been a challenge. I know I could be a better friend to you at times and that I have a habit of pushing people away.

Thank you, for pushing your way back in, or even refusing to leave.

Thank you for loving me at my worst like you do at my best. Thank you for all the little things. Thank you for replying to my texts, for getting me a drink, for offering to drive, for bringing me food because I'm too unwell to move. Thank you for introducing me to new things, for calming me down if I'm angry, for making me laugh on the days I need it. Thank you for the sleepovers, the shopping dates, the hugs, the laughs. Thank you for carrying me home because I had waaay too much wine. Thank you for buying me shots to cheer me up (yes, i appreciate it really).

Thank you for being the person I needed when I needed it most. Thank you for all the differences we have in hobbies and music taste. For the banter. For making me adopt your stupid phrasing like I'd spoken that way for my entire life. For smacking me back into reality when I needed it. For reminding me that I am not the enemy I think I am at times. For making me realise the truth. For being the sense of reason. For giving me something that made me feel like I was more than just me. For letting me be a part of something bigger than myself.

And thank you, for the big things. For being my emotional support when I was arguing. For helping me up when I fell. For being there at the time when I couldn't face the world. For being there when he passed away. For supporting me as much as you can when I called out to you. For not leaving me when I hurt you. For not leaving when I hurt myself. For not leaving when all I wanted was for it all to stop.

Thank you for being there when I felt like my life was falling apart. For when absolutely nothing made sense in my brain. For when I had all these things to say but all I could do was sit in silence and feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sending me classworks/notes when I was too anxious to go to lectures. Thank you for understanding my state and almost adapting your behaviour to make me okay. For going out of your way when I needed someone. Thank you for staying when I fell apart to you. Thank you for making me realise that people actually cared about me. For making me realise that people would stay, even when I was convinced that everyone would leave me eventually.

Thank you for everything you are doing to help me. And thank you for letting me help you. Thank you for telling me things first. Thank you for coming to me when you needed help with your relationships. When something had happened and you felt weak and lonely. When you wanted a night out to get away from everything. For helping me understand how to help others, which would then help me understand how to help myself.

You are all truly amazing.

So this is to you, my closest friends.

A thank you. A thank you for being the rock you have been to me. Whether we've been friends a few months or nearly 16 years. Whether I haven't spoken to you for a while or whether we are currently speaking right now.

Thank you for getting me through this. I truly could not be doing it without you.