Dear 2017

Dear 2017.

I have high hopes for you, 2017.

No, these hopes aren't based around the events of last year because frankly the only thing that you two share is the fact that I am living you both.

I tell myself every year that "this will be the best year yet" and 9 times out of 10 find myself highly disappointed about that year, that chapter of my life.

But 2017, this is the first year I am not full of false hope.

This is the first year that I'm optimistic that it will be a fantastic year.

And let me tell you why, 2017.

The last few years (especially last year) have been very hard for me.

My mental health reached an all time low in these last few years. Many times in these few years, I thought it had won. I wanted out. Part of me still does.

But I am alive. I survived.


I have had to go through grief (and did a poor job of it) in this last year.

But I survived.

I've spent the last few years confused about my sexuality and been very very upset and worried about who I am.

But I survived.

I survived.



2017, in these last few years, i've done nothing more than survive. And this year, i believe with all my heart that you will be the year that I feel alive.

I for one, hate the idea of waiting to a new year to make the changes that could be made whenever. But for this, 2017, I felt it was best to wait for you because I can use 2017 as a new chapter of my life.

The chapter of happiness.

I believe I am finally in a place for recovery.

I understand so much more about both
mental health in general and my own mental health than I did in these last few years. I know my triggers, I know how to control them. I know how best to calm myself when I feel anxious, how best to make a depression storm past.

I am surrounded by people who can help me. I cannot do this alone and I now am surrounded by so many people who I can trust and open up to. I have people I can go to when I need someone to talk to, rant to, to cheer me up, to talk me out of relapse.

I have made sure I've cut out toxic people. I've made sure I'm not surrounded by those who make me feel worse about myself. Those who caused my depression and self harming to get worse. Those who do not love me.

I am more confident. I am more willing to reach out for help. I have come to terms with my sexuality.

I'm ready 2017.

I ready to finally free myself of the sadness that has controlled me for so long. I am mentally prepared for relapse. I am ready to defeat anything that stands in my way to start beating my mental illness. Whatever it takes, I will do it. I am ready to finally show the person I am instead of the mask I wear everyday

Because its time to turn my life around.

And it will be with your help 2017.

This chapter will be the best one yet. Thank you.

Yours Truly,

Emily x