The Year.

A year ago today was probably the hardest day of my life.

The last year, following suit, has been a very damn hard year.

How it's already been a year since you passed away has managed to amaze me. It's been a weird combination of the quickest but slowest year of my life and I don't think I am dealing with it well yet, but at the same time it's something I've gradually accepted.

Losing someone you love isn't easy but you were the first person I have ever lost and one of the last people I expected to go.

It all still feels like a cruel dream. I expect to see you and still get confused as to why I don't. I hear your voice constantly and it still feels like you're here even though it's been a year.

I wish you were still around so I could tell you I loved you as even though I knew, I definitely didn't tell you enough. I wish we could sit and play video games all the time and I wish I could still mock Liverpool losing as I came to see you on my lunch break. Nothing is the same without you.

And there's nothing anyone can do. That's the issue. We can't just change or do something to make any of this easier because the only way it would be easier is if you were still alive, and if we could do that we wouldn't be in this situation.

The last year has been a rollercoaster. The stability of my mental health has been next-to-none, with waves of not being able to cope and waves of feeling like everything is okay again. I've spent the year pretending that I had come to terms with your loss, when really I was a hopeless mess who still cannot believe that any of this is real.

The sad thing is that it is real. I will never hear your voice again or see your face again. I will never be able to do any of the things we loved to do together. I didn't just lose an uncle. I lost the person I absolutely looked up to for most of my life. I lost the person that I felt like I could be myself around. I lost the person I felt most comfortable around. I lost a friend. I lost someone I wanted to be around all the time. I lost an irreplaceable figure in my life.

People often say that grief gets easier to deal with. They're liars. It becomes less of a thing that eats you away because you learn to live with it, you learn to cope. Losing someone never is easy. It never gets easier to deal with. Here I am a year later, feeling the same feelings I felt this time last year.

I will live everyday missing you. It gives us some comfort that you aren't living in pain anymore. I just really hope we're all doing you proud. I hope you're sleeping tight.